Step One: Admittance

I'm about to say something that I have never said to anyone. Heck, I don't think I've ever even said it in my thoughts. Here it goes...I have a mental illness. I have anxiety. Nobody likes to admit when something is wrong with them. But, when it's something nobody else can see, something that comes with a popular stigma, it's even harder to admit. But it's time to put my thoughts and struggles into writing. If I can help just one person, I will feel like I have succeeded. If you are struggling with a mental illness, the most important thing you can do is to not be ashamed. 
When it first became clear that I may have anxiety, long before I was ever diagnosed, I didn't want to accept that maybe there was something wrong that wasn't fully in my control. I've always heard the negative stigma surrounding mental illnesses. Why can't you just get over it? Next stop looney bin? It's all in your head. I'm not crazy. I can't just get over it. That's not how mental illness works. But, when you have panic attacks out of nowhere, you can't do simple things because they make you too anxious, and you just want to be left alone, it's hard not to be ashamed. Especially when, once upon a time, I didn't have panic attacks and I could do almost anything without the anxiety I get now. For the longest time it was embarrassing. In many ways it still is embarrassing but I'm learning to embrace it and maybe, if I put my struggles on paper, someone else out there will learn to embrace their illness too and maybe they, and myself, will realize that we aren't alone. 
So here it is, me accepting that I have really bad anxiety. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Here is my first step into starting to feel like me again.